I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
