I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
