That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
