We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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