Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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