is your mom at the bar?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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