Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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