K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
wow bdsm is so cute
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
