My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
