u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
