I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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