i think i have herpe
just one?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
