And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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