theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
