he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
