addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
