Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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