i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize