So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
