You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
