i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
