I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
