I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
