She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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