She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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