you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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