No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
