I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
