i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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