Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize