My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I look better un-naked...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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