I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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