Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
