OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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