I haven't been this sober since birth.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
