were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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