Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
