we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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