So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
