So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
