Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
