So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
