She's like a pop up book from hell.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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