Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
