you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
