Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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