Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
