Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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