I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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