your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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