I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Randomize
