It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
