he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
