My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What a dumb baby whore.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
