we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
