True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
