we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
