How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
