I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
