ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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