just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
