When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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