i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
