Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
