Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nicole vs. Life
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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