I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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