you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
